3 Minute Monday
“Identity lags reality by 1-2 years. There’s a lot of psychological fallout from a rapid change in status.” — Mark Manson
If you’ve lost a ton of weight, or become single after a long relationship, or won a huge contract to play professional sport, or had amazing business success then you might resonate with this.
The person the world sees you as, and the person you see yourself as have become very different.
Your fears and doubts and inclinations have not changed much, and yet the individual that everyone else expects to turn up is this newly ascended version of you.
It will take time for your inner world to catch up to the outer one.
Ancestrally, the ladder spanning from the highest you could climb to the lowest you could fall had far fewer rungs than it does today.
In a tribe of 80 people, there’s not just all that much room for your status to rollercoaster around.
In the modern world, there are unlimited degrees of freedom for your status to ascend in one domain or fall in another.
Human minds are not prepared for our outward presentation and self-image to be ripped apart from each other so quickly.
It makes sense that they take so long to creep back together again.
Try to enjoy the rollercoaster as best you can, soon you won’t be able to remember what it was like to be at the bottom.
This week’s upcoming episodes:
700k Q&A – I answer questions about a potential Modern Wisdom Live Show, Ray Dalio coming on the podcast, my memorisation tactic for books and lots more.
Mary Harrington – one of my smartest friends on why modern feminism has failed most women. How did birth control cause an increase in single mothers? Why is there a war on mothers and babies?
Lewis Howes – former athlete turned podcaster came to see me in Austin to discuss building a greatness mindset. How can you overcome self-limiting beliefs? What is the key to finding your mission?
THINGS I’VE LEARNED
Loneliness is a huge epidemic.
In 2022, Pew Research Centre found 30% of US adults are neither married, living with a partner nor engaged in a committed relationship.
Nearly half of all adults under 30 are single: 34% of women, and a whopping 63% of men.
Men in their 20s are more likely than women in their 20s to be romantically uninvolved, sexually dormant, friendless and lonely.
Only half of single men are actively seeking relationships or even casual dates.
50% of single men say they’re looking for a committed romantic relationship and/or casual dates, down from 61% in 2019.
35% of women said this in 2022, compared with 38% in 2019.
Thirty years ago, 55% of men reported having six or more close friends, by 2021, that share had slipped to 27%.
15% of men report having no close friendships, a fivefold increase from 1990, according to research by the Survey Centre on American Life. — h/t The Hill
Friends are good for your health.
In case you thought that wasn’t a major concern because you’re an alpha-sigma-giga-lone-chad-wolf who don’t need no one around them…
“By far the biggest medical surprise of the past decade has been the extraordinary number of studies showing that the single biggest predictor of your psychological and physical health and wellbeing is simply the number and quality of close friendships you have.
By comparison, all the traditional factors that your doctor usually worries about on your behalf make only modest contributions.” — Robin Dunbar
Grind now, glory later.
“What you do on your ordinary days determines what you can achieve on your extraordinary days.” — James Clear
Learn to say “I don’t know” more.
You do not need to have a take on everything.
It’s not a marker of being dumb to ask someone to explain something to you.
The smartest people I know are hyper-aware of the limits of their knowledge.
Say I don’t know, you’ll keep your ego small, learn something, and give your conversation partner the opportunity to improve your worldview.
I’m giving a talk titled “Mastering The Chaos Of Life” in Miami this Saturday March 3rd at Miami Beach Convention Centre Ballroom for Lyceum. General Admission is free and my talk is at 10am, the rest of the lineup is great too. Come say hi.