3 Minute Monday – Dating, Abortions & Perfectionism

3 Minute Monday

Hi friend,

I’ve been learning a lot about the modern dating market recently.

Here is one of the most interesting dynamics I’ve come across.

By becoming better educated and more professionally successful, women have damaged their own dating opportunities.

Let me explain…

On average, research suggests that women tend to prefer partners who are richer and more educated than they are.

Research of dating sites show that education level is one of the two strongest predictors of how many responses a man received from women.

The other was income.

Marriages where the wife out-earns the husband are 50% more likely to end in divorce.

When the man isn’t the primary breadwinner, he’s also statistically more likely to use erectile dysfunction medication.

Single women are three times as likely as men to say that they wouldn’t consider a relationship with someone who earns less than them.

And women on Tinder are 91% more likely to swipe right on the profile of a man with a Master’s Degree compared to a man with a Bachelor’s.

All of this isn’t to accuse women of being shallow trophy-wives.

Rather it highlights that many of the attractive qualities women look for in men like intelligence, drive, conscientiousness, trustworthiness and hard work are obviously signalled by men who attain wealth, education or status.

In short, being rich and smart tells the world about the competence you have which got you there.

And many women find this competence sexy.

This desire to date “up and across” dominance hierarchies is called Hypergamy.

So that’s some insight on attraction, next comes the imbalance…

The Wall Street Journal reports that at the close of the 2020-21 academic year, women made up 59.5% of college students, an all-time high, and men 40.5%,“In the next few years, two women will earn a college degree for every man… American colleges have yet to reach a consensus on what might slow the retreat of men from higher education.”

The Press Association reports that women aged 22-29 are out-earning men in the same age group by £1,111 per year.

After a long time of women not having equal access to learn and earn, this reversal in opportunities seems long overdue, maybe even desirable.

Quite rightly, women should be able to become as educated and wealthy as they want.

But there is an unforeseen side-effect here in the dating market…

As women continue to out-perform men, they diminish their own potential dating pool as fewer and fewer men are wealthier or better educated than them.

This results in an ever increasing number of high performing women competing for an ever-decreasing number of uber-high-performing Chads at the top.“It is difficult to marry above and across dominance hierarchies if you sit atop your own.” – Vincent Harinam

It also results in an ever growing underclass of sexless, dateless men who sit toward the bottom of the dominance hierarchy.

“The number of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has tripled from 8% in 2008 to 28% in 2018.”

A final insight is that when women outnumber men in a dating market, they end up having to play more casual, short-term dating strategies because the men dictate the rules of the game.

You see this effect reversed in dating markets where men out-number women, where there are more long-term relationships.“The rarer gender is always better positioned to get what they want on the mating market.” – David Buss

All in all, this is an uncomfortable situation.

No one really seems to come out of this situation in a better place except for the Chads at the top.

But given that Morgan Stanley predicts that 45% of working women between 25-44 will be single & childless by 2030 – the largest share in history.

And that by 2030, the percentage of single women will be greater than married women.

I think it’s a safe bet to predict that the dating market continues to get more and more messy over the coming years.

h/t Vincent Harinam


I do a podcast which has had 20 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Ollie Marchon – the coach, father, Nike Master Trainer and all round wonderful human joins me to talk about identity change, ruthless attaining goals and dealing with pressure.

Zack Telander – Joe Rogan sues CNN, Elon Musk gets in trouble, The Satanic Church saves abortions, The Matrix is brilliant and the FDA are idiots. Don’t miss this one.

Patrick Moore – the Co-Founder of Greenpeace gives his thoughts on modern environmentalism, Extinction Rebellion, Greta Thunberg and more.


Women vote to restrict abortion more than men.

Polls consistently show that women are more likely than men to support a reduction on the abortion limit.

28% of men supported a reduction vs 46% of women. (YouGov 2011)

24% of men vs 49% of women. (YouGov 2012)

35% of men vs 59% of women (Angus Reid)

“This raises some pretty big implications.

The most obvious being that if it were left to women to vote on the issue, with men out of the picture, there’s a good chance that the result would be in favour of restricting abortion.

On the flip side, if only men voted, they’d almost certainly vote in favour of women’s reproductive rights.” — The Guardian

Perfectionism is procrastination masquerading as quality-control.

“A paradoxical thing about people who consistently choose the most high leverage activity is their efforts have a rough-edged, half-assed quality. Because polishing things to perfection is a low leverage activity.” — Tiago Forte

Perfectionism is just a nice way to hide from shipping at a pace necessary to find what works.

Chase the great.

“It is our duty to risk the easy & commonplace for the unique & great.

To work towards our full potential in the face of all obstacles, including ourselves.

To take responsibility for our life and what we make of it.

Ultimately, no matter what we do or say or believe, there will always be a great many who disagree or judge or ridicule or become upset by our decisions.

But it is of essential importance that we try as often as possible to ensure that among those people, ourself is not one of them.” — Jean-Paul Sartre.


Flume Instagram App for Desktop.

Game changer if you want to spend less time on your phone.

Full Instagram functionality on your computer.

Edit & Upload photos, reply to DM’s, search, like & comment.

Pro version supports unlimited accounts to switch between too.

I used to use this a lot, now I mostly just use Instagram.com but it’s still a great app if you have to post content regularly.

Check it out here.

Big love,
Chris x

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