3 Minute Monday – Drama, Gay Women & Families

3 Minute Monday

Hi friend,

I was recently asked why I usually try and stay out of drama on the internet.

There is no shortage of it to inject yourself into.

It is much easier to grow an audience bu creating an enemy, even an imaginary one.

Galvanising people’s in-group & out-group biases will bring you ardent fans more quickly than anything else.

We’re tribal creatures, and an opportunity to display that will encourage people to jump on your side.

So given these obvious advantages, why do I think you should (mostly) avoid it?

Here’s 3 reasons:

Firstly – do you want to be known for your work or your takes?

“Advice I got early in my career: Don’t over-engage in any controversy unless you are willing to stake your entire reputation on it.

Rather, keep focused on discovering new things & creating, or else you become known for the controversy & nothing else; there is no going back.” — Dr Andrew Huberman

Now, in the world of social media, everyone is in the business of selling their opinions in one form or another.

But if you get known for the controversy and nothing else, you’re less a builder and more a gossip columnist.

Secondly – The Soft Signal Of Effectiveness

“I’ve learned that triggering a tribal response is antithetical to having an effective behaviour & belief-changing message.

It’s nowhere near as sexy to caveat heavily but when it comes to important subjects, the most compelling arguments are sometimes the gentler ones.”

Making someone feel stupid or embarrassed is a guaranteed way to not convince them of your argument.

It sounds cool to your own side. It’s a vicious, cutting, well rounded samurai blade narrative.

But it causes people who were on the fence to dig their heels in more in protest.

If you genuinely care about changing beliefs and behaviour, you’ll dial back the aggression of your delivery.

Thirdly – sanity.

I spent 15 years in what might be the most cantankerous, back-bitey, ego-driven industry except for rap – club promoting.

Me and my business partner and the few thousand employees we had during that time got into our fair share of verbal altercations online and offline.

It absolutely draws attention, which is useful.

But it’s pointless, juvenile and the wrong kind of attention.

“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” —George Bernard Shaw

It also captures a ton of your mental energy as you obsess over what you should say or could say or what your antagonist is going to say next.

If you have a hill that you care about, then fortify it and defend it appropriately.

But if you’re finding hills to die upon simply for the sake of getting to stand up a height, you’ll end up paying for it with your peace.

Gurwinder’s Theory of Bespoke Bullshit.

“Many don’t have an opinion until they’re asked for it, at which point they cobble together a viewpoint from whim & half-remembered hearsay, before deciding that this 2-minute-old makeshift opinion will be their new hill to die on.” — Gurwinder Bhogal


I do a podcast which has had 120 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Dr Khandis Blake – why do women take sexy selfies? What predicts beautification, is it the patriarchy or something else? Do we have an incel problem?

Rory Sutherland – the world’s most fascinating behavioural scientist gives a two hour treatise on human nature, japanese toilets, airline cabins and more. Outstanding.

Dr David Ley – why would any man choose to be cucked? Dr Ley has been one of the world’s leading researching in cucking and cuck porn for years, so I had to ask him.


Gay women can’t keep up.

Gay men have more sexual partners than straight men, whereas lesbians have fewer partners than straight women.

One study found, for instance, that in San Francisco in the 1970s, 75% of gay men reported having had more than a hundred sexual partners, and 28 percent more than a thousand.

In contrast, only 2 percent of gay women had had more than a hundred partners, and none more than a thousand.” — Steve Stewart-Williams

Non-intact families make for screen-hungry kids.

“Adolescents from non-intact families— such as single-parent, step-family, and foster families—spend about two hours more per day on their screens than teenagers who live in intact, married-parent families.

I suspect social media and technology is at least partially responsible for the stunning decline in drug and alcohol use, employment, and delinquent behaviour among teenagers, particularly those with unstable home lives.” — Rob Henderson

Lots of progress makes the builders disposable.

“Society is man made, and in the modern world, they’ve put themselves out of a job.” — Joyce Benenson


Mute liberally online.

The mute button on social media is basically a sanity superpower.

You let people scream into the void on their own and continue about your life in blissful ignorance.

Blocking is for someone who’s toxic, but if you really want to wind someone up, just ignore them.

Big love,
Chris x

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I just landed in Medellín Colombia for 6 days. It’s pretty cool here.


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