3 Minute Monday
Hello cult members,
I had a great discussion with Dr Nate Zinsser on the podcast this week.
30 year Director of West Point’s Performance Psychology Program, expert on confidence, coach to NBA superstars and more. Legit AF.
I told him about a concept I’ve been thinking about a lot.
Imposter Adaptation.
It’s made up of two existing traits…
Hedonic Adaptation is the tendency for our happiness to return to a relatively stable level despite major positive or negative events or life changes.
You buy a new car or house or get a promotion which you’ve been obsessing over for months, and then within a few weeks you don’t feel any different to before.
Now you start thinking about the next thing you want.
Imposter Syndrome is the inability to believe that any success you’ve achieved is deserved or has been legitimately created through your own skill or effort.
“I don’t deserve to be here/I’m just winging it/everyone else is much more competent than me.”
Imposter Adaptation is the tendency for a lack of self-belief to persist even as you continue to disprove that skepticism in the real world.
No matter how many times you succeed, even though you were hugely unsure if you were capable of succeeding, you never arrive at a place of genuine faith in your own abilities.
They say the most compelling lies have a kernel of truth.
The same exists here.
The kernel: Each time you complete a challenge in life, you move onto another level of complexity which is indeed slightly greater than before.
So yes, you haven’t achieved THIS precise goal previously.
You’ve raised one child perfectly fine, but now it’s TWO. And then it’s THREE.
Shiiiiiiit maybe I can’t do this.
Or you’ve given a presentation to 100 people but now it’s 1000, or it’s for 30 minutes instead of 15.
SHIIIIIIIT.
Nada. Stop thinking like this.
Here’s the truth:
There are only so many times that you can disprove your own imposter syndrome in the real world and it persist before you admit that it’s got nothing to do with your capabilities and everything to do with an addiction to not feeling like you’re good enough.
You’ve crushed all of the challenges you’ve faced so far.
You’re continuing to grow and improve and get better.
And you STILL don’t feel confident in what you can do?
It’s no longer about what you can do, it’s about your self-image.
Take a broader view.
Remember all the times you disproved that prick of a voice in the back of your mind.
Whatever the challenge is, you’re probably going to crush it.
Imposter Adaptation is a hell of a drug.
But you don’t need to have faith to disprove it, you have evidence.
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MODERN WISDOM
I do a podcast which is the front end of a cult. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
This week’s upcoming episodes:
Monday.
Nina Power – a feminist philosopher on why modern masculinity is in crisis and why. Really really interesting.
Thursday.
Dr Nate Zinsser – a great breakdown of how confidence works, how to create it, how to defeat negative self-talk and more.
Saturday.
Not sure yet. Maybe Bridget Phetasy on motherhood in her 40’s, California going down the toilet and modern gender roles.
THINGS I’VE LEARNED
1.
Men say “I love you” first.
Contrary to gender stereotypes, research in the US demonstrates that men are more likely to confess love first.
This sex difference was replicated cross-culturally in seven countries, across three continents.
Men were more likely to confess love first in a relationship, with preliminary evidence that this was more likely when men had more choice (more female-biased sex ratio).
Highly avoidant respondents were less happy to hear ‘I love you’ than less avoidant respondents.
Highly anxious respondents were happier to hear ‘I love you’ than less anxious respondents.
h/t Rolf Degen
2.
Speed listening doesn’t damage comprehension.
“We presented participants with lecture videos at different speeds and tested immediate and delayed (1 week) comprehension.
Results revealed minimal costs incurred by increasing video speed from 1x to 1.5x, or 2x speed, but performance declined beyond 2x speed.
Increasing the speed of videos (up to 2x) may be an efficient strategy.
Especially if students use the time saved for additional studying or rewatching the videos.”
h/t Scott H. Young
3.
“The problem with Twitter is that the price of being a prick has fallen to zero.” — Jordan Peterson
LIFE HACK
Craftd London’s jewellery.
Finding men’s jewellery is hard.
The choice is usually between Wannabe Rapper and 12 Year Old Gone Mad With Mum’s Card In Topman.
Craftd’s stuff is perfect.
Really classy, tons of designs in gold and silver, works with smart or casual stuff, ships internationally.
And everything comes with a lifetime guarantee – they’ll replace any piece that breaks.
Highly recommended if you’re buying for yourself or as a gift.
15% discount with code MW15 too.
Big love,
Chris x
Join the Modern Wisdom Community.
PS
9 days until Texas baby!! LES GOHHHHHH.
