3 Minute Monday – Male Blame, Black Dresses & Delusion

3 Minute Monday

Hi friend,

Today is the day!

One of the most anticipated episodes I’ve done this year with Alex Hormozi is now live.

Go listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

In other news… I’ve had a lot of conversations about masculinity on Modern Wisdom recently with some really fascinating guests.

But publicly trying to work out why men are struggling is largely a thankless task that results in lots of people getting upset, I think I’ve found out why…

The Zero-Sum View Of Empathy.

There is an assumption that any attention paid toward men takes it away from women, or some other minority group who is more-deserving.

After all, haven’t men had it good for long enough?

Maybe they should just suck it up for a while?

But empathy does not work this way, it’s not a limited resource.

Recognising the plights of men does not ignore the plights of women.

And ultimately women end up suffering in any case – as it’s this increasing cohort of apathetic, checked-out and resentful men who contribute to the exact lack of eligible partners that women say they are struggling with.

Women posting “boohoo poor patriarchy sad” whilst also complaining about “where are all the good men at?” is mating-logic seppuku.

If one sex loses, both sexes lose.

Male Blame is something else I see a lot.

A common question is why don’t men “just do better”? Surely they can just try harder in school, employment and health? “Chop chop men, hurry up and stop being so useless.”

Well, no other group is told that when they suffer with poor performance or accolades in the real world that they should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

We don’t tell any other group to ‘talk about their problems’, instead we spend billions in tax payer money and private charity; to set up committees, departments, campaigns and funds to solve the problem.

In simple terms, if a woman has a problem, we ask: “what can we do to fix society?” If a man has a problem, we ask: “what can men do to fix themselves?”

It’s a blatant double standard, and people who are unwilling to admit to any structural disadvantages faced by men are standing in the way of us solving the problems that are hurting men, and also the potential wives they should be viable for.

The problems are not in men’s head, but out there, in society – and we should not gaslight men into thinking they can solve these problems by being less toxically masculine.

If the patriarchy is so powerful, why aren’t men flourishing more?

As Christine Emba says “Many young men feel their difficulties are often dismissed out of hand as whining from a patriarchy that they don’t feel a part of. Just because you’re in the majority doesn’t mean you don’t need support.”

In this regard, modern men are being made to pay for the sins of the advantages that their fathers and grandfathers enjoyed.


I do a podcast which has had 250 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Alex Hormozi – 23 controversial life lessons on success, mindset, resilience, motivation and more. I left this episode feeling so insanely fired up. Basically auditory cocaine.

Dr Steve Peters – legendary psychologist and peak performance coach of Olympians and world champions breaks down his Chimp Paradox model plus some great applied strategies to get your mind under control.

Paul Hutchinson – the billion-dollar investor and undercover operative who was featured in The Sound Of Freedom joins to discuss the world of child trafficking and how he’s fighting back.


There are quicker routes to happiness than a salary raise.

In terms of the effect on happiness, having a friend you see regularly is worth $100,000 a year.

Being in good physical health is worth an extra $400,000 a year.

Being married is also worth $100,000 a year.

Seeing your neighbour regularly is worth $60,000 a year.

Income doesn’t have a lasting increase on happiness because people usually adapt to money.

In contrast, marriage, family, and health have lasting increases on happiness and are immune to hedonic adaptation.

Compared with not attending any religious service, attending a religious service once a week has the same effect on happiness as moving from the bottom to the top quartile of the income distribution.

A poor person with a spouse, a close friend, a relationship with a neighbour, and who attends a religious service can achieve the same level of happiness as an affluent upper middle class person.

How nice that cultural and economic elites promote fitness, marriage, & friendship. They clearly want you to be happy.” — Rob Henderson

The woman in the black dress.

If you change your direction just so you can beat someone at their own game, they win by default.

They got you to stop the game you were playing and step into their arena instead.

If you win a game and it’s someone else’s ruleset, you still lose.

“I was trying to beat my dad at his own game.

It was only when I won that I had won that I realised I’d never even asked the question of what game am I actually trying to win?

And I don’t know how many people are actually trying to win at a game that they didn’t even set the rules up for.“ — Alex Hormozi

Singletons are delusional.

“One of the greatest privileges of being on one’s own is the flattering illusion that one is, in truth, really quite an easy person to live with.” — Alain De Botton


Craftd London Jewellery.

If you see the necklaces I’m wearing on all of the Modern Wisdom Cinema episodes, they’re all from Craftd London.

I even got them to make an extra long chain which you can see on today’s episode with Alex and is now available on their site.

It’s the best men’s jewellery on the planet so if you need to get the man in your life a gift (even if that man is you), then this is where to go.

Lifetime guarantee, international shipping and 15% off everything site-wide with the code MW15.

Shop Craftd London.

Big love,
Chris x

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Every Monday for the next 5 weeks we are releasing another Modern Wisdom Cinema episode. Announcing every Tuesday on my Instagram. BDE.


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