3 Minute Monday – Personas, Online Dating & Idiots

3 Minute Monday

Hi friend,

“You should “just be yourself” not because it will make you more likeable (it won’t) but because it’s only by being yourself that you’ll find people who like you for who you really are rather than for someone you’re pretending to be.” — Gurwinder Bhogal

This was one of the biggest realisations of my 20’s.

The advantage of doing this is that no criticism will ever fully land because you’re one degree removed from the person who’s being criticised.

The disadvantage is that you’re removed from the person who’s being complimented too.

If you’re only playing a role, you will never feel connected to the successes of your life.

Any accolades or warmth you receive won’t resonate properly in your heart because it’s not YOU who is receiving it, it’s the character you’re pretending to be.

“The persona is incapable of receiving love, it can only receive praise.” — Aubrey Marcus

This is how you can feel alone in a crowd and hollow in victory.

If you haven’t shown your true self to the people around you, you are inevitably going to feel disconnected from them.

And the people who would have fallen in love with the true you will pass you by because that person is never presented to them.

The persona subsumes the person.

This isn’t the people around you’s fault.

Take responsibility.

There are reasons to fear truly showing up, but they pale in insignificance compared to the reasons not to hide away.

Even if all you want is success, your highest point of unique contribution is you fully embracing you.

“No one can beat you at being you.” — Naval Ravikant

The absolute best you can hope for if you’re playing a role is to be the 2nd best in the world at being someone else.


I do a podcast which has had 180 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Mike Thurston – from my Dubai trip. Why are young men feeling so lost when me and Mike never did when we were at university? Why do I think it’s maybe even harder for women? What does Mike think after meeting Andrew Tate?

Paul Bloom – one of the world’s best psychologists on how the human mind works. Do we actually remember everything we ever experienced? Why are babies way smarter than we realise? Is racism natural?

Uri Gneezy – a great intersection of behavioural economics and human psychology. Why do we do the things we do? How does signalling impact our actions? Why did the Toyota Prius succeed because it looked so weird? Really fun.


Young adults say online dating has killed true romance.

59% of young adults aged 18-24 want to meet potential partners in more traditional ways – on a train at a dance or in a pub.

They said these were more romantic than their experiences and led to longer-lasting relationships.

68% said they failed to find love through dating apps or online.

And 33% were jealous of parents and grandparents because of how they found love.

Meanwhile, more than 55% of US couples report to have met online.

While “never approach girls in the gym videos” continue to go viral.

The opinions which will get you clicks will also make you lonely.

h/t William Costello

Arguing on the internet is a low status activity.

“Never get into an argument with an idiot.

They’ll drag you down to their level and beat with experience.” — Mark Twain

The Cynicism Safety Blanket.

Cynicism is a guarded response which sets yourself up against disappointment.

Its role within the system is to protect you against experiencing anything bad.

It is a pre-emptive strike against a perceived threat.

If I tell myself that ‘all women are bad’, then I’m less likely to seek a relationship with women and, as a consequence, I’m never going to feel the pain of rejection.

If I tell myself that ‘everything is shit’ or that ‘things will never get better’, then I am excused of ever having to try at anything.

It’s more comfortable to get fatalistic and call it pragmatism.

The cope is framing hope as pathetic and embarrassing and optimism as delusion.

It’s “sour grapes” at an existential level.

If everything sucks, and everyone is horrible, and reality is disappointing and you know that for a fact – then it’s the people acting like things can be better that are dumb, delusional and the problem.

The upside of never trying is never having to feel the pain of failure.


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Big love,
Chris x

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I’m in Manchester this weekend with Gymshark at their Lift event. Come say hi!


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