3MM: Gas, Singletons & Suggestions

Hi friend,

Ya boi’s out of his cast and allowed to be vertical again. Yessssnow.

I never thought I’d be so happy just to be permitted to stand up but here we are. 2020 for you.

Today I want to talk about Gassing Your Friends Up.

Gas Your Friends Up is a concept I arrived at after considering how strange it is that many people will happily share a Rhianna x Puma launch video but not share their friend’s new business on Facebook or message them saying congratulations.

This partitioning of support happens for a ton of reasons…

We often want to look cool by attaching ourselves to high-status brands. (signalling)

We can feel threatened by someone else’s upward mobility. (zero sum game, their gain = my loss)

Rhianna isn’t likely to fail but your friend’s new project might and we don’t want to be associated with that failure. (status)

It’s a compelling (albeit subconscious) list of reasons to not reach out.

So you don’t engage in actively supporting small projects unless they’re very close friends.

Over time this lack of active support becomes habituated and reciprocated.

You don’t support me, I don’t support you.

#NoGas

If we agree that inaction killed more dreams than inability ever did, then the implications here are scary.

Because much of the inaction in life comes from a lack of encouragement, not a lack of desire.

People want to make things happen, they’re just scared of failing or run out of motivation.

Just think how much more you would get done if you were being constantly gassed up by the people around you.

How much easier would challenges be to overcome.

How much less painful would setbacks feel.

How much more momentum would you have to make positive changes in your life.

You can be this influence on the people around you.

You’ll feel great afterwards because you’ve made someone else feel happy.

Not only that, but by being that influence, you’ll lowkey encourage them to gas YOU up in return. (reciprocal altruism)

Sometimes, being selfless can be one of the most effectively selfish strategies available.

Imagine your entire friend group doing this.

GAS FOR EVERYONE.

So try to drill this into an automated response…

Whenever you see a person who you slightly care about achieve something – respond to them.

Not just a like on social media.

Send them a meaningful message saying how proud/impressed/happy you are for them.

Leave a voicenote, send a selfie with a caption. Whatever.

It will make a huge impact on their day.

By way of a personal example – I get much more encouraged by heartfelt messages from listeners saying they resonated with a particular episode than download statistics.

The difference between success and failure is sometimes just one encouraging comment.

Be that person.

Gas Your Friends Up.

If you’re feeling in a giving mood and want to gas ME up…

I would hugely appreciate you giving me a 5* rating and Subscribing on Apple Podcasts.

It’s free, it’ll just take 10 seconds and would make me very happy.

Click here on iPhone or Mac and it will open the Podcasts App. Hit Subscribe and scroll down to press 5*.

Android users – there’s no review function but if you Subscribe on Spotify that would be amazing.

MODERN WISDOM

1 Million downloads last month you know. #BigDickEnergy

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Josh Kaufman – author of one of the best selling business book from the last 10 years – The Personal MBA – discusses his key principles for running any business. Fantastic, no BS advice, a must listen for any entrepreneur.

Thursday.
Matthew Kobach – the man who single-handedly turned the New York Stock Exchange into a social media behemoth talks content strategy, evolutionary psychology, status, ancient philosophy & moustaches.

Saturday.
Still only 2. I’m recording 6 times over the next 8 days though so we’ll soon be back to full speed.

THINGS I’VE LEARNED

1.
Half of US singles aren’t looking for a committed relationship OR casual dates.

10% are looking for casual dates only.

14% are looking for a committed relationship only.

26% are looking for either.

50% not looking for either is MENTAL.

2.
Much of our desire for self improvement comes from a place of insufficient self worth.

There is a big difference between wanting to be better to maximise what you get out of life, and using constant progress to buttress a damaged sense of self worth.

“If I am important/clever/successful/good looking/lean then people will want/need/like/respect me.”

Implicit in this ^ is that you are not worthy of love as you are.

Be careful of masking trauma with success.

3.
Pvris have a new album out called Use Me and it’s sick.

Find it wherever you listen to music and enjoy.

My soundtrack for the next week.

LIFE HACK

Ask The Waiter For Suggestions

My favourite way to find a fantastic meal in a new restaurant.

Ask the server what the most popular dishes are.

You’re basically crowdsourcing your decision from the regulars who go there all the time.

The same thing can be done for wine, beer and places to go after food.


Big love,
Chris x

Listen to me on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Say hi on Twitter or Instagram.


PS
The next month of guests looks like this:
Justin Tosi, Matthew Yglesias, Gad Saad, Erin Ruddy, Steven Pressfield, Douglas Murray, Chris Voss, Ryan Holiday, Fiona Murden, Heather Morris, Morgan Housel, Annie Duke, Eric Jorgenson, Massimo Piggliuci, Mara Cortona, Ali Abdaal, Reeves Wiedman, Seth Godin. #BDE

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